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It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for extra articles. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.
To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. He or she then chooses someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention. In a sense, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models. In their researchDr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60 percent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 percent have an avoidant attachment, and 20 percent have an anxious attachment. So what does this mean?
There are questions you can ask yourself to help you determine your style of attachment and how it is affecting your relationships.
Secure Attachment — Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. Children with a secure attachment see their parent as a secure base from which they can venture out and independently to explore the world. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feeling secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.
Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed. They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other. In a fantasy bond, a couple foregoes real acts of love for a more routine, emotionally cut-off form of relating.
Anxious Preoccupied Attachment — Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond.
How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship
Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears. They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears.
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They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts.