Why am I gay? | Living Out
Part of realizing you're gay, or bi, or trans, or non-binary, or anything other than cisgender and There Are Really Only 5 Things to Wear on New Year's Eve I had friends but they were all straight and having relationships. The gay community doesn't talk about this enough, and when we do it's promoting sexual freedom – all important things – that we've missed. Many gay men and women end up marrying people of the opposite sex. "If a partner has an affair with the opposite sex you can be angry but this is It might be difficult, it might end a marriage, but the fact is you can't start to.
Jesus Christ, as he is attested for us in Holy Scriptures, is the one Word of God which we have to hear and which we have to trust and obey in life and in death.
Does God have a plan for same-sex relationships? - United Church of Christ
We reject the false doctrine, as though the Church could and would have to acknowledge as a source of its proclamation, apart from and beside the one Word of God, still other events and powers, figures and truths as God's revelation.
Belonging to this Word, according to the Heidelberg Catechism, is our "only comfort, in life and in death. First, the greatness of my sin and wretchedness.
Second, how I am freed from all my sins and their wretched consequences. Third, what gratitude I owe to God for such redemption. But without the consciousness of sin the Gospel itself makes no sense. There can be no productive discussion of marriage and homosexuality, or really of any other moral question, unless we can agree that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
In the self-assertion of the ego against God not only our relationship with God but also every human relationship is brought into disorder. There is, in fact, no human covenant that is not wounded by our collective and individual rebellion against God's sovereign claim on our lives. This is certainly so in all the greater and lesser injuries that we inflict on each other—in heterosexual marriage, in celibate life, and in the partnerships formed by gays and lesbians.
Sin distorts our life together as the Body of Christ, so that no contentious issue in the church can possibly be discussed without anger and mutual recrimination—particularly an issue like sexual morality, which exposes our deepest fears of alienation, loneliness and chaos. Sin distorts all of our relationships. Left on our own, we cannot live together as God intended.
But—thanks be to God!
The Heidelberg Catechism affirms that we do have this "comfort, in life and in death," that we belong not to ourselves but to our "faithful Savior, Jesus Christ, who at the cost of his own blood has fully paid for all my sins and has completely freed me from the dominion of the devil.
God's bridge to humanity This brings us to covenant, defined by the Westminster Confession as God's "voluntary condescension" which bridges "[t]he distance between God and the creature. But I agree with Max Stackhouse that "it is likely that nothing less than an understanding of and a commitment to covenantal mutuality under God can bring moral and spiritual coherence to what is otherwise experienced as a seething, chaotic mass of dominations and arbitrariness. These are not empty words!
We all sense that the scattered and broken pieces of our lives and our relationships belong together but we simply don't know how to re-build the structure we have demolished. But the Reformed tradition affirms that the coherence that eludes our best efforts has already been established definitively in Jesus Christ. Through the covenant of Baptism, our primal covenant, in which Christ's obedient "Yes" to God becomes our own "Yes"—and this is the starting point for our lifelong journey from chaos to coherence.
The self-disclosure of God in the covenant of Baptism reveals that God's being itself is covenant. In the reciprocal relationship of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, we learn that God's nature is not solitude, but communion. God's inherent nature is to be with others.
God is not a sealed fortress, to be attacked and seized by our engines of war ascetic practices, meditative techniques, and the like but a house full of open doors, through which we are invited to walk. In the Castle of the Three-in-One, the plan has always been that we, those who are entirely "other," shall participate in the superabundant communion of life. Whatever we regard as the ultimate meaning of human life, be it giving, creating, finding or being given, being created and being found; all this is fulfilled in the original prototype: Here, God chooses not to be alone but with and for the humanity God created.
Here, God elects humanity to be God's covenant partner.
Here, God's love cannot be contained but pours itself out with incomprehensible majesty into the creation and reconciliation of humanity. Christian covenants must participate in this Trinitarian structure, so that the order broken by sin and restored by God's sovereign decision in Christ becomes an order of being "with" others.
The form of covenant From our participation in this divine self-disclosure—as Christians who have been incorporated into God's Trinitarian being through Baptism and who meet the Triune God again and again through Word and Sacrament—we can begin to describe the form of Christian covenant: First, God chooses each of us for covenant, calls us into covenant life and uses covenant to complete God's work of conversion and sanctification in our lives.
Election, vocation, conversion and sanctification! Nothing less is at stake in Christian covenant than the overcoming of our opposition to God! So every Christian covenant is a means of grace that draws us into the covenantal life of the Trinity. God works through covenants to convert us to a life with God and with others. Second, Christian covenants are accountable to the community, and therefore must be sealed by public vows.
In contrast to the secular theory of "contract," in which two independent persons with equal rights enter into an agreement, Christian covenants are accountable to the Lord who comes to us in Word and Sacrament, that is, in the realized life of the Body of Christ in the Christian community. Jesus Christ is the Lord of every covenant, but the Covenant Lordship of Christ is mediated through his Body, the church. Therefore, covenant promises cannot be a private contract between two solitary persons but always a public demonstration of vows in the presence of the community.
Third, the community is accountable to the covenants made by its members. Because we are sinners, our covenantal relationships are always threatened by moral disorder. Covenant partners will turn again and again to the church which, as the Body of Christ, will call us back into relationship. Fourth, Christian covenants create new life. Just as the triune life of God is not enclosed within itself but creates life in all of its forms, human covenants must also be creative.
This is seen most clearly in the covenant of marriage, where if it is God's will a woman and a man extend life through the birth and care of children. But this creative vocation must be seen in all of our covenants. In some way, every Christian covenant must extend the boundaries of life. Every Christian covenant must be generative and generous.
Every Christian covenant must say "Yes" to life. This is obviously so because we are born in families and we owe our existence to heterosexual parents.
But the tradition also says that in the marriage of a man and a woman we have a type, or an image, of the covenantal love of God for Israel and Christ for the church. There is much discussion about whether same-sex relationships also should be called "marriage," and, as you all know, this is a subject on which the church is deeply divided. There can be no question, however, that the Jewish and Christian traditions set heterosexual marriage apart from all other covenants.
In my view, the confusion of marriage with other relationships can obscure the priority of heterosexual marriage in God's creative design and the Bible's orientation towards marriage as an analogy of God's passionate and faithful love for creation. And although I intend to argue that the church must grant equal dignity to same-sex relationships lived under vows—an argument I will save for the end of this paper, if you will be patient with me—I am not yet convinced that "equal dignity" is the same as "objective equality.Every Single Time Pearl is Gay
In any case, the marriage rites of all Christian churches testify to the tradition that marriage is a covenant between heterosexual partners. So does the only gay and lesbian denomination, the Metropolitan Community Churches, whose rite for blessing same-sex couples is called "union," not "marriage. The scriptures teach us that the bond and covenant of marriage is a gift of God, a holy mystery in which man and woman become one flesh, an image of the union of Christ and the church.
Through the tradition's use of marriage as an analogy of God's covenant with humanity, marriage is prior to all other covenants but one—our primal covenant of baptism. But although heterosexual marriage is unique, it also participates in the Trinitarian structure that is common to all Christian covenants. Marriage, if I may borrow from St. Benedict's well-known image of the monastery as a "school for sinners," is the school where those called into this covenant learn how to be with another and not alone.
It is a means of grace, through which God calls a man and a woman away from the terrible solitude of the alienated self into a life of self-giving love. Like other covenants, marriage is not closed in on itself but open to others, first, to the gift of children and family, second, to the church whose liberating boundaries encompass every Christian marriage. Like other covenants, marriage is accountable to Christ, who is the Covenant Lord of the married partners and of their family.
The covenant of celibate community Marriage is also a vocation, which means that to be a Christian marriage, God must summon a man and a woman into this relationship. But throughout its history, the church has also held an honored place for women and men who were called into a different covenant, but one by which they nevertheless were liberated by God to live a life with and for others.
That covenant is celibacy, and to this we will now turn. We are immediately in trouble here because most of us in this room are Protestant and we have had virtually no tradition of organized celibate community for more than years—with a few exceptions, including one Augustinian monastery in Germany that transferred its allegiance to the Lutheran Reform in and somehow survived until Luther's reaction to the abuse of monastic vows was so extreme that at one point he wrote that chastity is impossible outside of marriage.
Calvin was equally contemptuous of the monastic way of life, writing that "the cloisters, the cells, the holes of the monkeries smell of nothing but excrement. Our break with 1, years of vocational celibacy has led us to believe that marriage is normative for all men and women, that is, the only vocation of relationship to which Christians can aspire.
But it was not so in the apostolic church, as Karl Barth reminds us: It is obvious that in the New Testament community marriage can no longer be an obligation. This is the fact, too lightly ignored by Protestant ethics in its glad affirmation of marriage. Certainly, He expressed Himself very definitely about the divine basis, the indissolubility and the sanctity of marriage Mk. Research now shows how destructive shame can be.
The Adverse Childhood Experience study led by Dr Vincent Felitti showed that the greater number of extreme negative experiences a child has, the greater the chance they will develop mental health problems in adulthood. This should be front-page news.
Why are some people same-sex attracted?
Gay people are not the only ones to suffer such shame, but experts, both gay and straight, agree that gay kids are overwhelmed with it. Many of us grow up, come out and have wonderful and happy lives.
For others, the journey can be rockier. Just this week I met a young man who told me he hated gay pride, hated effeminate men but crucially was trying to work through these feelings by talking about them. Most people grappling with shame do not join extremist groups and plan to hurt people. But some do Perhaps Ethan Stables, who has an autistic spectrum disorder, was not able to have those conversations.
Perhaps like former notorious s neo- Nazi street fighter Nicky Cranewho also eventually came out as gay. I carried out no rewiring myself. Though there is evidence supporting the fluidity of sexuality in some people especially women there is little scientific evidence that we ourselves can turn our desires on and off.
According to others the blame lies with my parents. My close relationship with my domineering mother and my distant relationship with my passive father shaped my sexuality from an early age. But that never happened. No adult ever laid a finger on me in that sort of way. My sexuality has not been shaped in this way by anyone else.
And although sexual abuse is obviously deeply damaging there is not much evidence that it can have that kind of effect. My lack of hand-to-eye co-ordination is another potential guilty party. Not being able to catch a ball, always being one of the last chosen for sports teams, shaped me into someone who sexually desired the sort of man I would never be.
My lack of binocular vision is to blame! But many friends had the same experience as children and are entirely heterosexual.
How LGBT adults see society and how the public sees them
Would I really change if I became good at rugby? That has been suggested! I was born with auburn hair.
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I was born gay.