Love status / Facebook statuses, quotes, messages and sayings
Read and share our collection of 45 Cute Relationship Status & Quotes To Make you Smile. Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. Drop a comment below and please let us know. Here is a list of funny and cute status updates that you can post on social media. These status Relationship Status: COMING SOON; You can't be late until you show up. Back in 5 Statuses That Will Get Lots of Likes. For all those times when you can't come up with something brilliant to update your Facebook status, here are some cute quotes that you can.
This is just one of them. I once reported my roommate to INS. Turns out she's clean, but I'm glad I did it. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days.
I watched Cookie Monster sing "Chocolate Rain" about a thousand times. If I were joking, you would be laughing. Do you look like you are laughing?
I've never had champagne that tastes like cherry cola, but I know someone who wants to live like the ape man.
Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me—no, don't sue me.
That is opposite the point I'm trying to make. Security in this office is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? Men In Tights I'm gonna grab one of those bulls over there and ride into town like a conquistador to challenge Hatcher to a duel, show him who the real tooth fairy is.
I just want everyone to know that I have gone another day without being stabbed repeatedly. I want to thank my friends who did not stab me repeatedly, the fans of the Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly page, the creator of the Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly page, and the many people who contributed to this cause by not stabbing me repeatedly. Without you, I might have been stabbed repeatedly, of which I am not a fan. Of course, this status is much more effective if you are a Facebook fan of "Not Being Stabbed Repeatedly.
I was God once. It was going really well until everyone died. Blackmail is such an ugly word. Leela cracked corn, and I don't care. Fry cracked corn, I still don't care. Bender cracked corn, and he is great! Take that, you stupid corn!
Just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. It's been days since my last attempt to take over the world. I've been distracted by my current mission: I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool.
I don't want a large Farva! I want a goddamn liter-o'-cola!! The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life. Could you imagine if I went into work, did half of the job, then said, "Come back next week for the continuation!
How did you fit a lion in your pocket? No wonder it's ready to roar. First the earth cooled, then the dinosaurs came, and they all bought Benzes. Who is Pete and why is it for his sake?
I danced with a squirrel in my car because I'm sexy, and I do what I want. If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer. Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of stairs! Oz, The Whole Nine Yards If my employer were more democratic than communist, they might allow us to vote on making Wednesday part of the "mid-week weekend" incentive program that I just made up. I vote "aye," save me, Jebus! Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone?
45 Cute Relationship Status & Quotes To Make you Smile
But sometimes when you get it back, it's horribly deformed and covered in an unusually smelly gelatinized mass that you can't identify. I'd pay a dollar and a half to see a tree museum. The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese. My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
Whenever I'm on fire, I remember to stop, drop, and roll, not run around screaming my head off. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius. Easy, guys, I put my pants on just like the rest of you—one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. Do sealions eat seazebras? Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist. The problem with reality is that there's no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil, or adventurous is about to happen.
If the game doesn't freeze every six minutes, then you're not watching Fox. I had part of a slinky once. If you cooked any slower, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you'd need an egg calendar. I am not crazy! At least, no more than any normal person should be. I mean, really, giving you a fruitcake for a present is just another way of saying, "I dislike you so much that I'm going to give you calories of jellied fruit and nut compacted into a brick and wrapped in plastic.
I, on the other hand, am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. Name is trying not to think about penguins. Good things are coming soon. Stay tuned for more information after a few words from our sponsors. Name wants to go someplace warm where the beer flows like wine.
Whisper down the lane is not as much fun on Facebook as it was when we used to sit in rows on the floor of the school gymnasium. You're so vain, you probably think this status is about you. I wish I was as smart as I think I am. The next time somebody texts me with "k," I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo.
And when they respond with "WTF?? Whoever says that pizza is not good for you is so wrong. You can actually get every single food group into a single slice. You can't say that about much else.
Name thinks the xylophone is totally underrated. Where is the chase and how do I cut to it? If Santa were to name his balls, would he call one "Milk" and the other "Cookies"? If winning doesn't matter, then why keep score?
It's amazing how something as simple as yelling and throwing things, although it doesn't solve your problems or help you find a solution, still makes you feel better! Now I need something to throw and somewhere to yell. Name is not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wannabe. Name needs to master the art of patience. If a person who drinks too much is an alcoholic, then is someone who never drinks called a non-alcoholic? If you think you have nothing to be thankful for today, consider this: At least you're not a turkey.
Enjoy your time today. Only effective on Thanksgiving Day. I lost my accountabilibuddy. You've worked hard all week. You deserve to get drunk, vomit on a bar stool, pray to the toilet gods, and sweat on the bathroom floor, where you will wake up the following afternoon with a headache, bad breath, and nausea.
Have a good time, because you deserve this. You don't want to question me. I've forgotten more in the past week than you've learned your whole life. If I become a fan of myself, does that mean that every time I update my wall it will send an update to my wall?
A Penn State student trying to raise money for cancer came up to my car asking for money. I told her that I don't support cancer or Penn State. Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend. Somewhere in America, someone you don't like is praying for you. Society is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. Name is searching for zen. So far, it's not at Subway or Wawa. You are on the phone, someone 'asks', "Hold please.
Can you scream, "NO! Will they hear it before you get put on hold? Will they think you're crazy? Will they still put you on hold? Will they hang up on you? Will they help you sooner?
You have now been on hold 24 minutes.
Facebook Status Quotes
Inspirational and Heartfelt Facebook Status Updates Source While it's fun to be snarky, once in a while it's good to throw in something sincere. After all, life is too short not to take a break and try to gain some perspective once in a while.
No artist could ever compare to the mastery of Mother Nature. If you're so caught up in avoiding lightning, you may not ever enjoy a single thunderstorm. One of the great regrets of my life is that I suffered so many assholes so gladly for so many years, all for the sake of a paycheck. There are so many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind, while all the sad world requires is simply the art of being kind.
If crying doesn't make the sad things better, then why do we do it? Go away, bad mood. I didn't invite you into my world today. Look outside of yourself, and you will appreciate others' accomplishments, failures, hardships, and journeys. I was not part of the problem, but I will be part of the solution. If you can't get someone out of your head, then maybe they're supposed to be there. Sometimes things happen in life that are not part of the plan.
When that happens, don't give up on your dreams; just find another way to reach them. Small repairs in a broken wall help to build a stronger barrier against the sea of negativity that surrounds us. You have some explaining to do. If you remind yourself of the great things in life, the tough times don't seem so devastating. Looks can fade as quickly as the clouds pass through the sky. It's the moments that touch your heart and heal your soul that last forever, along with the people who bring them to you.
Forgive those who hurt you even if whatever they did is unforgiveable. You will forgive them not because they deserve it, but because you don't want to suffer every time you remember what they did to you. A hero is born among a hundred, and a wise man is found among a thousand, but an accomplished one might not be found even among a hundred thousand. All noble things are as difficult as they are rare. Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it. Every passing moment is another chance to turn it around. Today is going to be difficult and challenging. Today, I will face my fears and stand up for what I believe is right. Today, my noble and selfless acts may be accused of cruel and greedy intentions. No matter what the outcome, I will be stronger, my family will be closer, and I will finally have the closure that I have been seeking for so many years.
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. Try this for a day: Instead of saying, "I hate," say "I dislike. It can be calm and still or rough and rigid but in the end, it is always beautiful. Never wish that life were easier; wish that you were better. Enjoy the little things in LIFE ….
One day you will look back and realize they were the big things. You are what you are today, because of the decisions and choice you made yesterday. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.
Life is like a camera lens. Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Lao-Tze You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option left. People are made to be loved and things are made to be used.
The confusion in this world is that people are being used and things are being loved. Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. Sometimes you got to learn to smile through the pain. Check the best love quotation for Facebook status below.